'Always Remember People Love You' - 'The Road To Nowhere' (1996)

The Road To Nowhere

I've been walking a long time, 

Thinking of you,
There is only one thing I want you to do,
Just look at the stars,
Remember I care,
It's hard out here on the road to nowhere.

If I could be there,
Believe me,
I would,
I'd be right back with you,
As fast as I could,
You've got to keep smiling,
And remember I care,
It's hell out here on the Road to nowhere.

Keep your head up to the heavens above,
Always remember there's a world full of love,
Forget about me,
If you dare,
It's Hell out here on the road to nowhere.

Now I'm with you,
Home at last,
Forget the lonely days,
They're in the past,
Just look at the sky,
And remember I care,
We'll stand together ,
On the road to nowhere.

This one was written on 14th January 1996. I was 15 and if you've read some more of my blog you'll know that I had only been out of hospital (after a nearly four month stay), for a couple of months.

I wanted to give most of the poems I wrote during this time a positive ending, because I was so depressed.

I felt so awful inside. I was still in the process of learning to walk from scratch. There was physio, school, homework, pain and more pain!

It isn't easy being a teenager anyway, is it? All that angst and crazy hormones! I had to deal with so much, including coming to terms with my Cerebral Palsy, and I just couldn't think straight. I was tired, in so much pain, and so angry about the life I couldn't have.

I'll write about this period in more detail at a later date, but I felt that life and the lives of my friends, was slipping away, and I was stuck - on 'The Road to Nowhere'.

Once again I sought refuge in writing, and I worked hard to make this poem as positive as it is.

I used the word 'heavens', (even though I'm an atheist), for the simple reason, that it worked. It still works, so I have left it, as it was written. 

Maybe I knew that one day I would look back at it, and feel proud because even at my lowest ebb, I could still find some little spark of hope in me - something which said, 'Just hang on...'

I won't pretend the hope was there every day. Often the pain was bad and I was exhausted, frustrated and angry. I was a bitch to live with for years afterwards to be honest. I just couldn't come to terms with it all. In reality, some days I still can't, but it's easier now. I have a strong marriage to a wonderful, kind, sensitive man, who accepts me just as I am. When I wrote this, I didn't think I would ever have that. I didn't think anyone would want me - ever.

A while ago, I found the original drafts of this poem in an old black and red notebook. The blue ink is slightly faded, and smudged in places where my tears had fallen. I remember clearly a positive thought that kept me going and enabled me to write such a positive piece, and that thought was 

'Remember People Love You'  

I didn't feel I deserved it at that point. I was such a cow to my family, but they say you always lash out at the people you love the most - and I did. I just felt so awful, and that everything was so pointless, and so many people seemed to expect more of me than I was capable of giving. That made me even even angrier!

Anyway 'Remember People Love You' became the 'Remember I Care' refrain, and so, that thought comes comes back whenever I read it.

Always remember people love you.