"Do you want to know how I know you're feeling low, other than the fact you're withdrawn"?
"You're playing Solitaire on the computer. You always do it."
"No I don't..."
"You probably don't even realise that you do it, but it's a give away!"
So, I thought about it, and I realised hubby's right. I think it must be that it is enough of a distraction so that I don't have to think -when there aren't any other ones.
The thing is if I knew what was wrong, I could TRY and take steps to correct it - but I don't. There's not one thing I can put my finger on, anyway.
It's the usual feelings that campaigning brings about, it's fear of the future, it's missing my family, it's writer's block, it's the book and it's just feeling yucky all the time and not being able to do much about any of it.
All of these things are going around in my head - all at once -and the relentless struggle against pain, disability and hormones don't help either.
Every time this happens I have to try really hard to remind myself that it is temporary, and that I will (and can) feel better.
I know that I have to just allow myself to feel all those things, and know that it passes - or at least gets easier.
The knowledge that I am my own worst enemy and that only I can change that, should help but it doesn't. How do you fight against yourself?!
I know that this is only a 'rough patch' rather than a full on slip back into depression because I can still see the wood for the trees. I'm aware that things WILL get better.
The times when I've been really ill, that has disappeared and so has the energy to fight it. I'm not going to let that happen.
Everyone is entitled to a bad day aren't they?
Tomorrow will be better.