Friday, 15 June 2012

Please (Poem -1996)

Help me, 
Can't you see, 
How this is making me feel? 
You don't listen, 
You don't care, 
Why is life so unfair? 

You don't know the tears I've cried, 
In a silent 
Empty room, 
I wake up to loneliness, 
There has to be gold, 
At the end of the rainbow, 
Tell me so, 
There has to be a way to let go. 

I must wake up, 
Find sunshine, 
Not rain, 
Don't put me through this again. 

Life is better than before, 
I've found an open door, 
Thank you for making me see, 
There's something special, 
Deep inside me…… 

This poem was written when I was 14, nine weeks after I came home from hospital after my surgery. I was terribly ill with my first bout of clinical depression, and exhausted by physio. Once again, my writing was there for me. It can either be therapy or an escape. I would be lost without it. 

I think of all the poems I have written over the years, this is the most special to me. I was surprised when it won a local 'World Aids Day' poetry competition in November of that year, It took the 14 - 16 year old age group prize, and then went on to take the overall prize as well. I was stunned, and proud. It's a night I have never forgotten.

Below is the cutting from our school magazine. (Dated December '96)

For my family.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Invisible (Poem 2012)

I should take the ‘scrounger rhetoric’ on the chin
But the Condems compound my demons within
They make me feel worthless 
And it’s time truth was told, 
Disability makes me a lot of things, 
But I'll never be heartless, and cold!

Have they seen me cry at night, 
When I’m anxious and in pain?
Do they know that sometimes,
I’m too tired
To face the day again?

Do they know that ATOS plague my dreams
And I watch myself scream
Judged in the assessor’s chair
I wonder would it matter so little,
If it was them sitting there?

The independence I have,
I’ve fought for and it scares me to the core
That I might lose that precious prize.
Does it not matter that we’re drowning
Because of Condem lies?

Seventy three deaths or more
Is the current score per week
We are shouting, begging, pleading
But you aren’t listening
Lives are looking bleak.

There is no difference between me and you,
What would you do
If our situations were reversed?
Disability is bad enough
But now fear is making it worse!

I want to live a normal life
And it cuts like a knife
Not to have a job or be a Mum,
But I didn’t choose this
And nor would anyone!

I wish I could dance in the rain
Or walk with a cup of tea,
But it’s always wheelchairs and sticks again
And I know I’ll never be free.

Image -Via Pinterest - (found on  keithham.hubpages.com)