Saturday, 19 December 2015

My Life

This isn't nothing,
This is my life!
I'm someone's daughter,
someone's wife.

Yes, I have a disability,
But that is only a part
Of me.

There are many things
That I can't do,
But I shouldn't have to answer
To you!

You can call me a 'scrounger'
Take my self-esteem,
But I won't let you take
My dreams.

We die in thousands,
You lie through the press,
Cause fear and nightmares,
And kill us, with stress!

Go ahead, take our money
Rip lives apart,
But I've never given up
And I'm not about to start!

You think it's acceptable
To add to our pain
Kick us as we're down,
So we can't get up again.

Your words will wound
Leave scars,like a knife
But I am not nothing,
And you don't get my life!

Thursday, 17 December 2015

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

I have been a very naughty girl this year but it's all for a good cause, and I'm confessing in advance.

I've done my best to be nice - even to Tories (sometimes)! Surely that's worth a place on the 'nice' list! You have no idea how difficult that is...especially at the moment.

I've been quite restrained on Facebook, too! Not too much swearing,and I've managed to keep my 'inner bitch' fairly well in check. No (less than favourable) comments, about certain celebrities,either! - You will know, who I mean!

It is possible you might be under the impression that I drink too much wine, but I don't really - and anyway, I'm not the one who drinks all the alcohol left for me, (all around the world), during the course of one night, so, yeah,...pot, kettle!

 The real point of this letter though, is to say that I don't want anything for Christmas, other than a new government - one that cares about disabled people rather than hurts us, and destroys our lives.

I realise that it's very short notice, for you to arrange such a thing so I'll give you until...say...2020, (but much sooner, would be better) to sort that one out for me! We need all the help we can get, at the moment!

Maybe, in the meantime you could sprinkle some magic dust, in the direction of all those suffering at the hands of the government. Those hurt and made homeless by Bedroom Tax, left with next to nothing by unfair, (and heartless) benefit sanctions - masquerading as Welfare 'Reform'.

Help them try and hang on, just a little bit longer - and help me to do it too!

I will leave a 'no benefit sanctions', protest sign, next to your plate of mince pies, on Christmas Eve, - perhaps you could attach it to your sleigh, for me? You know what they say, 'Every Little Helps!'...Ahem,no, better not get started on that particular phrase, actually...!

Anyway, I know you're busy at this time of year, so I'll leave you to get on...

Travel safely,


Friday, 11 December 2015


I see her
For a few seconds here and there,
A face in a dream,
A moment in a mirror.

I see her dancing freely
To music only she could hear,
I watched her fall,
And face her fear.
I know her drunk as sober,
On clear mornings and hazy nights.

Maybe she was on a journey,
Through a garden, or doors
With locks and keys,
Finding hope in tiny boxes,
Or tripping amongst leaves.

She can be a clown
or caring friend
Wearing blankets or evening gown.
Lost in hotel corridors,
And never found again.

I watch her character grow,
She's caught between mind and paper,
Always waiting for me to take her,
Places I can't go.

I won't write her down yet,
She'll loiter for longer
In a library among dusty books,
Finding pens
with ink long dry,

And tomorrow she'll run through rain,
But only I'll know why...


Saturday, 5 December 2015

Another Day, Another Panic!

Had quite a nice day yesterday. Managed to switch my brain off, and relax. The pain was back down to 'normal' levels.
Was meant to go and see a friend with a disability issue, but she was in too much pain 'to form coherent sentences'! I can identify with that!
Actually, it's one of those situations when I'm not sure what the answer is for her - so all I can really do, is listen while she vents. I can do that until the cows come home!
As for the other friend, (the one in the homeless shelter, with her kids), she's doing OK, and on a housing list. I hate the fact that she didn't feel she could tell me, because she didn't want me to worry, but bless her for sparing me.
There's just so much going on that the media isn't reporting, no matter how much we try and draw attention to it, - but it's been that way for years now.
What with the (very convenient) distraction tactic of Corbyn's leadership, plus the Syria issue, we stand even less chance than normal.

I'm feeling a bit smug because all my Christmas shopping is done! Hubby helped me. I always feel a bit guilty for doing it on line, because I'd rather be helping the high streets, but I don't really have the mobility to do that any more, and certainly not the energy!

Had another anxiety attack this morning, albeit a small one. The DWP sent Christmas bonus notifications through the post, and of course, on seeing the brown envelope, my first thought was, 'it's my turn for the Work Compatibility Assessment'. I freaked, and started shaking! Couldn't even bring myself to pick it up, and had to get hubby to open it for me.

My heart was beating so fast and I just couldn't catch a breath. I felt all shivery inside.

The relief was unbelievable! I dread to think what extra stress does to my (already burnt out) adrenal glands, so I really try yo take everything in my stride, but it's not easy under this government. Things that were secure, now aren't.

Whether they accept it or not, - (they don't), what they're doing to us is a constant low level form of psychological torture, and it's happening in our own homes, where we should feel safest and at ease with ourselves.

My one consolation (or not, in a way), is the fact that I'm not going through this alone. So many disabled and ill people I know have gone through the exact same thing today .

We go through it every day, whenever the letterbox goes. That's no way for anyone to be living, never mind people who already have the struggle of illness and disability to deal with!

Hubby says 'You can't go on like this' - but it's not like we have a choice is it? We didn't ask for this government to make our lives hell through 'scrounger rhetoric', fear of assessments, and making us feel that we simply aren't worth it, but that's what we're living with!

My hands were still shaking when he handed me a cup of tea, so of course I spilt it! Luckily he knows better than to fill the mugs right to the top for that very reason, so it could've been worse!

The only thing I really want for Christmas, is for the government to stop putting us through all this! They are punishing us for being disabled - and it's not like we have any choice in that, either! Do they think I would've chosen Cerebral Palsy and constant pain, and limitations?!

I'd give anything in the world to feel safe, and wanted in society again. I'd like some self esteem and dignity back. It's not right that they can do this to us, and hardly anybody else seems to care!

The only thing I can really do is help raise awareness, and hope that people have a bit of compassion, and realise that what is being done to us is inhumane, and it could happen to anyone! 

Don't turn a blind eye to the suffering and thousands of deaths of disabled people simply because you think it doesn't impact on you. You never know when it just might...!