A Letter to My Grandmother (written 2010)

Dear Gran, 

I wish more than anything that you could read this letter. 

You seem so far away, well, I guess you are. 

The Alzheimer's Disease has taken you from us, and you no longer recognize the grandchildren you loved so much. We miss you. 

I miss singing ABBA songs in your sunny living room, and dancing with you as much as the Cerebral Palsy would let me, and then the two of us finally falling contentedly on to your brown tassled sofa. I was happy then. 

I loved listening to you sing, early on Sunday mornings, when you thought no one else was awake. I never did tell you how much I enjoyed getting out of bed then, and creeping downstairs, just so I could spend time alone with you. 

We would sip steaming mugs of tea, and put the world to rights over the kitchen table. Mum says my tea 'addiction' is your fault! 

If you could see me now, you would tell me to wipe my tears, and be brave. I know you would, so I'll try not to cry anymore. 

We had many arguments - I won't pretend we didn't. 
There were times when we would shout at each other, both of us wanting the last word. That's the problem when you are cut from the same cloth I suppose. 

It would always end in an apology, granted, usually mine! Then we'd have a cuddle and yet more tea. 
All those arguments seem such a sad waste of time now. Time that you could've spent telling me more stories. You probably wouldn't believe me, but I really did enjoy hearing them. 

Tales of your evacuation during the war, when you were able to run and be part of the countryside. Your face would light up when you talked about that, and the wonderful times you had with the other girls in the children's home. 

I hope that is where you are now, as you sit in the chair by your hospital bed. I hope you are running through those fields, or spending time on the roller skating rink, where you met Grandad. 

I wish you could see the person I've become. I know you would be proud of me. You were right about so many things. I did find someone to love me for who I am, and I know you would think the world of him, too. 

More than anything though, I wish I could make you well again, and bring you back to us. 
Wherever you are today, I hope you know how much I love you. 

All my love, always. 

Helen xx 

                                                            In Memory of Gran
                                                               (1933-2012)